So I'm sitting here at 2:30am wondering what I'm going to wear for my senior pictures later today.
That's just when it hits me. I'm a senior. This is my last year of high school. Where did the last four years go?
I don't know if I am more excited or scared to be a senior...My guess would be that I'm probably more scared because I know this is my last year and then I'm pretty much on my own.
The past three years of my life seem like they have just flown by. I've made friends, lost friends, I have had good times and bad times. Sometimes I wish I could just go erase half the things I've done. Lately one of them is ever meeting the three boys who go by the names of Kevin, Joseph and Nicholas Jonas. But then again, without them I wouldn't have the friends I have, I wouldn't have anywhere near half of the memories I have and I wouldn't be who I am today.
But knowing them and being part of their success is tough. I miss them more than you can imagine, and I want the old days back...but I've never been so proud of anyone as I am of them. They deserve EVERYTHING they have. They've worked so hard and so long, that it would be completely selfish of me to wish they weren't as famous as they are now. This is their dream; it's what they've always wanted.
But lately I've realized that all of the friends I don't have...are because of Jonas. I hate to admit it, but I've lost so many good friends and drifted away from them because I'm so wrapped up in the concerts and everything. I hate it. I hate it so much. Because it feels like the only real friends I have anymore don't even LIVE in the same state. One of my best friends is half way across the country and I see her maybe twice a year if I'm lucky. And as sad and pathetic as this sounds, I've barely left my house this summer except for the few concerts I've been to...and to go run errands with my parents. With the exception of last week when I spent three days in the city with Kelly, Michelle and Krista (which my dad yelled at me for because I didn't come home for 3 days - well you know what, I never get out and that's like the only time...GET OVER IT!). That was probably the best 3 days of my summer; I've never laughed so hard in my life. But back to the point, I barely have any school friends anymore. My parents wonder why I'm always home, well that's the reason. Nobody bothers with me. I try, but nobody else wants to make the effort and I'm sick of it. I don't know what to do anymore.
I know this is one big ramble and I keep jumping from topic to topic, but I really need to get things off my chest.
I'm getting sick of being one of the only ones in my circle of friends who hasn't had a meet & greet with the boys on the previous 3 tours (BOBW, LMITE & BU). It's okay for everyone else to complain they haven't had one, but as soon as they get one, whoever complains is a bitch. Well you know what, you were in the same boat not too long ago, so you can't exactly blame me for being upset. That sounds immature, but you all know it's true. And I'm positive people are sitting here saying "you've met them enough, get over it" but it really does suck not talking to them for a year and 13 days.
Next subject.
Is there anyone in your life who you really wish you had never known? Because right now I'm at that point. There are a few people who I honestly feel like I could have gone my whole life without knowing. Just because they don't care...and seems like they never did. If you were really friends, you wouldn't ignore me and you would make the time to talk to me. But I guess other things are more important than friendships? Sometimes I feel like you've forgotten that I even exist, and there isn't much I can do about it. If I try to bring it up, I'm scared of what could happen between us.
OKAY. I'm done rambling. It's getting close to 3am and if I don't get some sleep soon, I'm going to look like the zombie princess in my pictures...that's worse than being the question mark in the yearbook.
Goodnight.
